Declaration
by zhyndia k
Summary: Look who's drunk and willing to declare himself to Squall! m/m, but no cirus...O_o Please R/R
1. Always the Morning After

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Always the morning after  
  
A Final Fantasy VIII fan fiction  
  
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Disclaimers: Final Fantasy is a property of Squaresoft. I suck at writing so please R/R  
  
For some unknown, quirky reason, Selphie always comes up with the weirdest party ideas. Maybe it was just her, or maybe she liked throwing them into confusion. There was that giant Twister party with all of them playing (except for who was lucky enough to spin) and that Slumber party (with guys in jammies) and now this--a drinking fest, with whoever was sane and coherent after they've drank everything would win something. Selphie wouldn't say what it was, but if it was a keg of beer he was going to back out.  
  
Seifer Almasy picked up the satchel beside him, looking over the inn Selphie had somehow managed to engage for the weekend. It was in a quiet spot, a beautiful, old-fashioned mountain resort, with an unusual feature of a big stone tower standing like a remnant from the past amidst all of this. It didn't match, and he had a feeling it wasn't as old as it seemed. It must be one of those follies people liked making...He hadn't wanted to come here, but he wasn't going to pass up a chance to see someone again.  
  
Because they both knew, they won't see each other in any other way than during these weird parties, with both of them living such separate lives. He wasn't going to let someone else's presence ruin his day.  
  
He knocked at the door, to be welcomed by Selphie in her "hyper" mode, and settled inside his own room, taking off his long gray coat. He wasn't going to need his weapon, a finely crafted gunblade, just like Squall's, but he carried it, just the same. He didn't feel comfortable without it nearby.  
  
He glanced at himself in the mirror, touched his scar. He didn't want to think about the events, back then. But the rift...his eyes narrowed, and he punched the wall beside the mirror, making it tremble from its place. Satisfied at getting his anger out, even if only a little of it, he prepared himself to get gloriously drunk.  
  
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Squall went up to the tower, having refused to get himself completely soused in the drinking spree. The others were starting to act drunk, and he wanted a breath of fresh air. The whole room reeked of alcohol and spilled beer. Trust Selphie to get them to put their hair down, he mused. Even Quistis was drunk, and looked all the more prettier for it. Rinoa had a tinge of pink across her nose. The guys were--well, he was the only one who was sane, for one thing. He never cared much for alcohol anyway, but Selphie was always good at twisting your arm until you agreed to what she wanted.  
  
He realized someone had already reached the tower before he did, and he could hear someone muttering. The moon glinted on blond hair, and Seifer, who had carried a bottle or two of gin or vodka to accompany him as he talked to the moon, stood there, his back turned to the stairs.  
  
"...never cared, you know! Why ssshould I go there and see him with her! Damn stupid to go for a worthless female...even Quistis, no matter if she's older, well, at least she's got that whip of hers, but what does she have? I tell you--" this pointing at the moon "--if he could just realize he made the greatest mistake in his life when he liked that Rinoa person, well, I'll--"  
  
Squall must have made a sound, because he realized he wasn't alone, and looked back, finding Squall standing behind him. His eyes widened, and then narrowed. "You been listening, haven't you?"  
  
Squall didn't get a chance to reply, because Seifer took another swig of gin and continued. "To hell if you heard me! What I said was true. Ask Irvine or Zell now and they'll tell you the same thing...you chose badly, Squall, and you don't even seem be disappointed with your choice. But then, you never showed anything on your pretty boy poker face! I think you don't really care at all about her, you know, but how would I know. You just go silent on one, and then look with those dark brown eyes of yours...you're unfair, you know that? You can look so cold and so hurt at the same time. You think I can stand that, Squall? You think Rinoa cares if you just stare at her with your cute eyes? She doesn't you know how I know? She can't read what you're saying...well I can, and I won't let you close yourself to me that way. You won't get a chance now, because I'm drunk, and now I'll tell you what I have in my mind, and you're gonna listen, cause you have no choice. Why the mother fucking hell do you go for her? Is it because she came on to you? Hell, if that's all it took I'd have come on to you a long time ago...why don't you notice me at all? I know, I ain't dark haired, and well, I won't look good in that party dress she wore when she dragged you to dance. You think I didn't notice? I was there, watching...but if it was all it took for you to notice me, I'll wear that silly dress and drag you to the middle of a hall and dance with you...I ain't asking for your love at all, Squall, even though I love you and I feel like I'm being sent to hell every time I see you with her, but I can't do anything about it, can I? Because you like her! Fucking stupid decision, but I'm here, you're here, and in the end, I'll stand by you. But do you care? Do you ever look at me? No! Damn good drink, by the way," and he finished off the bottle. He threw it down to the ground and when he did he experienced the worse thing he could at that moment.  
  
"Oh my god, I think I'm going to be sick," he groaned, before throwing up most of what he drank over the tower's battlements. Squall walked to him and rubbed his back as he helplessly gagged and vomited. When he felt he could barf no more he looked up, backhanding his mouth, and stared as Squall took out a canteen of water he'd been using for a chaser and handed it to him. He mouthed the word thanks and gargled, removing the bitter taste of bile from his mouth. Squall took the canteen back and they looked at each other, light from the moon falling over them...  
  
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Seifer woke with a splitting headache, obviously not the winner for whatever surprise Selphie had in store for them. He closed his eyes to the sunlight streaming over him, wincing. He was in a room, his shirt over a chair, and he was wearing a plain white one. A gunblade rested on the wall, but it wasn't his. The damned strong sunlight was blinding him...  
  
Someone drew the curtains closed, and he blinked, adjusting his eyes. He squinted up, and saw Squall standing motionless beside the bed he was lying on. All of the events last night clicked, and he realized that this was Squall's bedroom, and that Squall had watched over him as he slept his hangover. The other man was dressed simply, without his jacket or belts, just in his pants and sleeveless white shirt. They were identical. Squall sat down on the side of the bed, an empty coffee mug in his hand, and Seifer remembered all he had said, despite the splitting headache he was having.  
  
"I didn't--"  
  
Squall was looking at him different, he realized. There was an openness in the expression that was different from the old Squall. Squall was looking at him, at last. And he didn't feel comfortable about it. He sat up, about to try standing up, but the hangover got him. He groaned, and Squall's hands automatically went to his shoulders, steadying him.  
  
They looked at each other. Then Squall kissed the scar, the scar that matched his, the scar he made, a long time ago. Kissed it gently, softly, tenderly. He sat there, stunned, as Squall smiled boyishly.  
  
"You'd really wear that yellow dress for me?" he asked, touching Seifer's nose with a finger. Seifer gaped at him, not knowing what else to. He smiled and turned away.  
  
"I'll just get you some coffee."  
  
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"I wonder where it will go?  
  
Will we be the same? (you passed me by)"  
  
-Hear me Cry, Cagnet  
  
It's a lovely, lovely day..."  
  
-me ^o^ 


	2. Only Waiting

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Only waiting  
  
A Final Fantasy VIII fan fiction  
  
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Disclaimers: Final Fantasy is a property of Squaresoft. I suck at writing so please R/R  
  
Seifer stood at the tower again, thinking. He had not expected Squall's question yesterday morning, and now that his headache from the hangover had finally cleared, he felt up to thinking again.  
  
"You'd really wear that yellow dress for me?"  
  
What did Squall mean by such a question? Was he just teasing? Or did it mean he actually had a chance, a small one, but still, a chance. Of course, that meant dressing up in a dress, which he didn't want to do now that alcohol was not running through his system...He shook his head, staring at the girls in a group, playing volleyball. Rinoa got the ball from Selphie, and was serving it to Quistis. They looked so jolly cheerful, and it annoyed him, Rinoa especially. He hated it whenever she was happy, because she 'clapp'd her hands in delight', just like in trashy romance novels. He never cared for the cheerful type much. They were too hyperactive for him.  
  
"What?" He heard someone ask. Squall, for the first time, was the one who initiated the conversation. Seifer looked back at him, surprised at finding him there. He hadn't heard anyone come up. He wasn't paying much attention.  
  
"What are you doing here? Rinoa's down there. Why aren't you with her?" He turned away, looking down again at the girls. Zell and Irvine had joined them. Squall stood beside him, looking down at them as well.  
  
He cleared his throat, thinking of apologizing for all he said last night. "Uh, Squall?"  
  
"... ..." Squall looked at him, his face calm. Pretty boy poker face, he remembered calling it. He flushed. How did he get the guts to say that? He was lucky he didn't end up with a bloody nose...  
  
"About all those things I've said last night--I--you heard all of it, right?"  
  
"... ..." A nod. Don't turn poker-faced on me now, he thought desperately. He needed to judge Squall's reaction, and it didn't help to see that peaceful, closed face. He decided to go on with the apology.  
  
"The alcohol got to me, and I sort of didn't have a way to stop much of what I've said, but can we call it quits? I was drunk, I didn't know exactly what I was saying--"  
  
Squall's silence was getting definitely colder, he realized. Of course, one could say his silence was always cold, but the chill had crept up to his eyes, indicating deep anger or hurt. Seifer recognized that he had made a mistake. "Squall?"  
  
"Yeah, I understand. You didn't mean what you said."  
  
"Well, that isn't exactly--but I guess that's what I'm saying. I'm sorry I was drunk and you had to hear me ranting like a madman."  
  
"In short, you think love isn't the right term for what you feel. Yes, I get it." Squall turned icy eyes to him and turned away, leaving Seifer alone to brood. He didn't understand Squall at all. Better yet, he didn't understand his own brain at all. As of last night he had had no chance with the other guy, but he blurted out his feelings all the same. Yesterday morning when he woke up Squall acted as if he wanted something else to happen between them, and what did he do? He said he didn't know what he was saying last night. He hated his mind sometimes. Why wouldn't it let him have this chance?  
  
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Squall stood at a cliff, looking out to the wide expanse of forest underneath him. He was silent, looking at a pair of birds flying in tandem, likely a brooding pair.  
  
He didn't understand Seifer at all. Two nights ago Seifer had been so drunk he said he loved Squall and hated Rinoa for being Squall's girl friend, but this morning he started apologizing as if it was wrong to say his feelings. Squall had never been much good in the feelings department, saying it or showing it, and he was rather envious Seifer had had the guts to tell him, even if it was fuelled by several shots of alcohol. He didn't think Seifer meant all that he said, given Seifer's drunk state, but he had thought of the possibility that maybe alcohol did loosen Seifer's tongue, making him say all the pent up words he'd been wanting to tell. And he liked the idea that Seifer liked him.  
  
He'd never thought much about himself, and he knew that Rinoa was the only one with the patience to try to break through his taciturn nature, without much success. He and Seifer were the same in that sense. They usually didn't say much. So he was sort of gratified to be the recipient of Seifer's speech. In fact, he was so gratified he decided to tease Seifer about it, therefore the kiss on the scar and the thing about the dress. He had to admit, the dress would have gone with Seifer's blond hair and pale skin. Of course, the shortness of it would be ridiculous with Seifer's long legs. And yet there was that feeling of his lips touching Seifer's forehead, on the match of his own scar that roused something in him, but only for a moment. Could it have been his human side?  
  
And then Seifer, this morning, after his hangover and a good night's sleep, decided to take all his words back. What was wrong with admitting something like that? Did Seifer feel it diminished his opinion of the blond man? It didn't. He understood that Seifer was drunk, he understood Seifer might have a disorder that made him talk so strangely when he was drunk, he'd actually excused Seifer's declaration as nothing more than alcohol's effect. But having heard it from Seifer himself hurt. He didn't understand why he was hurt that Seifer was taking back his declaration. It didn't actually mean he cared a lot about the other guy, right?  
  
He decided it was time to go back to the resort. The girls might have sent out a search party for him.  
  
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Squall came back to the sight of everyone going back inside. He could smell the exhaust of a motorcycle or any other gasoline fuelled vehicle in the air. Selphie turned to him to explain. "Seifer says he's going to off for a few hours to explore around and practice with his gunblade. Why he'd want to do that to relax is beyond me. Where have you been, Squall?"  
  
"Here and there. He--uh--left?"  
  
"Yeah. He just rounded the curve when you appeared. You just missed him."  
  
"... ..." He cleared his throat, rusty because of long underuse. "Did he say anything for me?"  
  
"Well, he says he's gonna be back to spar with you, after he's warmed up. That's all. Did Seifer have a message for Squall?" After several negatives Selphie turned back to Squall. "He did look to be in a hurry."  
  
"... ..." He went up to his room, lifting up the gunblade. Seifer said they were going to spar again. He looked at the mirror on the wall, saw himself standing there, the scar that marked him a remembrance of one of their duels. What did Seifer want now? Why would he want to spar?  
  
He put down the gunblade and went to Seifer's room. It was unlocked, empty, neat. There was no hint anyone actually lived here within the past few days. No trash, no clutter, no nothing. Seifer didn't leave his satchel, just as he suspected.  
  
He knew Seifer wasn't going to go back in a few hours. He knew Seifer used sparring with him as an excuse, because Selphie wouldn't let him out of the resort if he tried to leave. And he didn't expect that. He didn't think Seifer would run away from their conversation, from Squall, unless he had a good reason. And he couldn't think of any.  
  
He stood there for a few more moments, then walked out.  
  
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"Said I heard every word, but I watched you turn away  
  
Your eyes were colder than winter--"  
  
-famous last words, jars of clay  
  
"... ... whatever."  
  
-me -.- 


	3. Unforgiven Lies

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Unforgiven lies  
  
A Final Fantasy VIII fan fiction  
  
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Disclaimers: Final Fantasy is a property of Squaresoft. I suck at writing so please R/R  
  
Squall looked at Rinoa, suddenly realizing something.  
  
He didn't have to put up with cheerful girls. He didn't even like them. They were busybodies, they loved managing someone else's life, and they were bitchy in their cute way when they wanted to or if they want to force someone else to do what they wanted. And what's this with clapping her hands whenever she was happy and calling him "meany" whenever she didn't get what she wanted? He didn't have to put up with that. Why was he trying to spend time figuring out the female mind, anyway? He was having a hard time figuring out what guys thought, including himself.  
  
And Seifer. Seifer who ran off right after he apologized for telling Squall he cared. What was that all about? Why did Seifer want him to forget all those words? Why did Seifer think those words were going to end their friendship? And why would it bother him so much, those words? It still echoed in his mind.  
  
I ain't asking for your love at all, Squall, even though I love you and I feel like I'm being sent to hell every time I see you with her, but I can't do anything about it, can I?  
  
Yes, Seifer couldn't do anything to change his mind, he thought. He had decided and he would stick with his decision. Rinoa was sweet and pretty and fun to be with. What more could he ask? But it wasn't that part of the statement that stuck so hard in his brain.  
  
He loved me, that was what he said, Squall thought, looking at Rinoa. Did Rinoa feel that way? But why was he wondering at all? Rinoa cared a lot about him, everyone knew that. She could be a tease sometimes, but she cared. And Seifer, Seifer only had the right words to say at the right time. He shouldn't even wonder as to Rinoa's loyalties. She was there, Seifer wasn't. Wasn't that enough proof?  
  
It was his loyalties that underwent a change.  
  
He excused himself. He didn't want to face Rinoa or the others for a while. He went up to his room, and looked at his reflection in the mirror. The scar, the scar that crossed his face, whose twin rested on at exactly the same place on Seifer's face. It marked them, in the same inexplicable way Seifer's words had marked him. Seifer's words, which he couldn't explain why it bothered him. Seifer's words, so simple and almost brutally frank, it had revealed what he had felt.  
  
It had drawn them closer together.  
  
He looked away, and glanced the gunblade resting on the corner. Seifer had said he was going to train, but where? Where did he leave for? And why leave those words, that he would train for them to spar again? Was it a challenge of sorts? Was it an entreaty? A promise?  
  
He'd never find out till he found Seifer.  
  
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This forest was not the type of forest people would usually go to. It was inaccessible, unless one knew his way. Seifer understood the ways of the forest, when he wanted to, and he had wanted to be away for a while. Fortunately Fujin's cabin was available. He needed to be alone. His feelings were mixed up as it is. All he brought for company was some beer, a fishing pole, and a food supply that could last a siege. And his weapon. That had been his excuse, that he needed to train. And Fujin had accepted that, without as much as a word. A stupid excuse, actually, but something in his face must have given him away. And so Fujin gave him directions and the keys, and here he was, in the middle of nowhere, trying to feel nothing.  
  
That was hard enough before, when he tried ancient mediation techniques, but now it was impossible. He couldn't focus at all at the matter at hand. All he could think about were the words he tossed off at Squall when he was drunk. And how true they were.  
  
Because he did love Squall, and it did hurt him every time Rinoa was with him. Hurt because he could never show what he felt about Squall the way Rinoa could. And hurt because he knew Squall would never care about him the way he did. And all the words he said after those were lies. Lies about he not really being aware of what he was saying. He was drunk, yes, but drinking never did have that effect on him. It was the only chance he could tell Squall what he felt, and he seized it, and much good it did to him. Squall just teased him about it, brushing it aside so easily. Well, his feelings were not so easy to brush aside inside him. They gnawed deep inside, burying itself until he didn't know what it felt like not to feel like this. Not to feel lonely, not to feel unloved.  
  
Even the beauty of the waterfalls failed to do anything to help him. With a sigh he picked up his gear, preparing to head off to the cabin. Nothing could clear up this feeling anymore. Nothing except for Squall telling him exactly what he felt.  
  
As he went up the path he found himself wondering what Squall was doing right now. Squall was probably still in the resort, with Rinoa and everyone else. Having fun. While he was stuck here thinking about him. It was not a good tradeoff.  
  
As if thoughts of Squall caused him to see things, he found a person standing in his path, dressed exactly as Squall was, carrying a gunblade like Squall's, and with that same scar. But it couldn't be Squall. Squall was back in the resort. And yet this apparition looked so like him...Seifer dropped his gear.  
  
"Fujin told me where you were."  
  
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But they didn't tell me you looked this way, Squall thought, noticing the faint stubble on Seifer's cheeks, the shadowed eyes, the weary demeanor. Seifer hadn't been drinking, he was sure of it, but he was close to going on a drinking spree as anyone would. And he had looked like he couldn't believe Squall was actually there, in front of him.  
  
"Why are you here?"  
  
Why was he here? He didn't know. It had just been an impulse, to try to find Seifer. He tried to sort out his motives, feeling that it was important to say the right thing right now. To talk to you. To sort everything out. To find out if this is real, what I feel, what I say, what I think. If this isn't just some fantastic daydream I spun up. To find out what I really feel about you.  
  
"...to spar with you."  
  
Lies. How easy it is to lie when everything depended on the truth. And he was afraid to face the truth now. He didn't want to, here, out in this beautiful setting, where nothing but nature could hear their words. If he was going to say these words he wanted witnesses, because he couldn't believe it if he summoned enough guts to say it.  
  
Seifer's eyes fell, rose up, and he nodded. "It's the right time to find out."  
  
Yes, it was the right time. To finally end all of this soul searching. To finally find out what they were meant to be. The both walk to the cabin, knowing that when they went back to town, they will be changed.  
  
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" You'll be miles away and I will know  
  
I know I can deal with the pain  
  
No reason to cry"  
  
-Crucify my love, X-Japan  
  
"Hideto-sama...sniff"  
  
-me T_T 


	4. Duello

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Duello  
  
A Final Fantasy VIII fan fiction  
  
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Disclaimers: Final Fantasy is a property of Squaresoft. I suck at writing so please R/R  
  
He didn't want to duel, truth be told. One look at Seifer's face told him the other man was not up to it. The training he had said he had been taking had not improved his skills as he expected, Squall supposed. But it was fated they were to meet again, like this, to finally find out whose will is stronger, to find out if their feelings were true, and if so, what they were to be.  
  
They stood in the middle of a clearing near the waterfalls, their gunblades at their sides, looking at each other, visually gauging each other. Seifer had always been his equal, even way back, but they've last sparred with each other a long time ago. Both of them have changed, for better or worse they couldn't tell yet, but then, did it matter so much? In the end, sometimes luck could take an upper hand in deciding the winner of a duello like this.  
  
He brought his gunblade up, testing its weight. It's been a long time since he'd held it in his hands. But its presence felt the same, and he didn't hesitate to bring it up, like so, both hands on the hilt. Seifer did the same, on guard, wary, preparing to be on the defensive. No matter how good his form was, there was hesitation, as if he's not used to fight anymore. Or he didn't want to fight Squall in particular. Squall decided to press this to his advantage.  
  
He struck, a long diagonal slash to Seifer's left. The timed guard was there, he saw, as Seifer parried it, but it was unlike his rival's famed killing instincts of yore. His own left side had been open, enough that if Seifer had decided to pursue the opening a quick parry and push on the blade would have freed Seifer's gunblade long enough to slash at it. But Seifer just hung back, defensive. It was mechanical, just a trained reflex, and the soul of fighting was not there in those darkened eyes. He didn't want to fight, afraid to deal the finishing blow. That was the thing he's missing. And Squall felt the same.  
  
But it had to end now, he thought. No matter what happened, this duel was going to decide what he planned to do in the future. He didn't know how, but it did. The outcome might not be set, might still change, with each motion they made, in the nexus of chances and possibilities, but whatever happens, if one of them falls, then it was the end. For whatever they could have been, before that fall.  
  
Seifer must have read his thoughts, because he nodded, and launched a flurry of blows that sent sparks flying from wherever their blades met. He wasn't going to give up without a fight.  
  
And to him, that was the Seifer he knew.  
  
Their blades sang, as steel met steel, sparks flying. The only sound other than that was the splash of the waterfalls. Nature had fallen mute, in waiting for this duel. The water whispering secrets as they started to gasp for breath, breaking away from each other long enough to circle and recover their own strength.  
  
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Seifer saw the look in Squall's eyes, and knew as Squall did, knew deep from within, whatever the outcome, it'll decide what they would become. This was going to be a duel to the death, not the death of a person, but a death of whatever possibilities they could be that they would not seize. If Squall won, that meant he would remain as cool and uncaring as he's been, all this time. And he didn't want that to happen.  
  
And so he fought on, his sword technique rusty, but he started to develop confidence as Squall in turn faltered, unprepared for the determined onslaught he set. Squall was never good at facing his demons, as he, but that usually meant that whoever confronted it head on would win. He knew what Squall's demon was. It was his indecisiveness as to what 'we' meant when it pertains to them. And his was showing his feelings for a person he knew would never love him the way he did.  
  
That would have meant confronting themselves, to reflect and find out what they felt inside, but it was impossible for both of them. They were afraid of committing to this wonderful, unknown thing, this sort of relationship that would redefine themselves. Because loving meant they have to face each other, with no hesitation or concealment, just looked at each other with clear eyes and the emotions in their hearts, may it be hate or love or indifference.  
  
And yet Squall remained all unknowing about what his own feelings were. It was hopeless to even think of trying to convince him that they did have a chance, a slim chance, but still a chance, if both of them would just agree to face themselves at last. But he knew he didn't have enough courage to do so, and felt that Squall's in the same conundrum.  
  
But why did he let his skills determine his fate?  
  
He wasn't going to let a sword fight decide what his relationship was going to be with Squall. It was a childish thing to do, like letting a coin toss decide what you want to do in life. For better or worse, they were going to talk this out. And damn the consequences.  
  
He dropped his gunblade to the ground with a clatter, and Squall halted, in midswing. His blade stopped a few centimeters from Seifer's unguarded right arm. His eyes were so filled with confusion, and Seifer knew his own eyes were like that. The uncertainties of this moment caught them, stopping them both from making a move, and then he lifted his hands, both palms open, a gesture to give himself, and his soul, to the only one who could master it.  
  
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Squall slowly put down his gunblade, confused. Seifer's eyes were filled by hopelessness. He had made the first move this time, and it was Squall's turn. Squall knew Seifer was aware he could turn away, right now, and never look back. He knew that Seifer was aware it was most likely what he would do. He wasn't willing to risk everything all because Seifer extended his hands in that gesture of capitulation, or because Seifer said he loved him. Or because he ran away when he wanted was to find out what those words meant.  
  
And still he didn't know what were the truths and what were the lies. Seifer did that gesture to signify that whichever was true, he was here. And he wasn't sure if he wanted Seifer that way. He had to decide, at last, on his own, without any preamble at all. He was afraid of making the wrong decision.  
  
But what would be the wrong decision? Can any decision except for no decision be wrong? In the end, even if he stalled right now, he was going to decide, and deciding later was no different to deciding now. This was between them. No one else should influence it. Not even Rinoa. Rinoa who seemed like a far away  
  
mirage. She was starting to flirt, a lot, she was bored with him. Did that mean that a few months from now Seifer would realize he didn't actually want Squall at all? And why did that hurt more than Rinoa's betrayal now?  
  
As if Seifer could read his mind he dropped his hands from that gesture. Seifer closed his eyes, bowed his head. "I understand, Squall."  
  
"You don't understand!" Suddenly angry, he dropped the sword to the ground, not caring if its sharp edge got dulled by the impact with the ground or if its mechanism got jammed with dust. Now it was Seifer walking away from him. He grabbed Seifer's upper arms, causing the other man to look at him with turbulent eyes. Eyes filled with so much undisguised pain and sadness at the decision he had supposedly made.  
  
Silence. The waterfalls going on, as if nothing happened. Water rushing away, taking away uncertainties.  
  
All he wanted to do was to end the hurt in those eyes. All he wanted to do was to erase the hurt in them. That thought burned itself into him, urging him to do what he must.  
  
He kissed Seifer's open mouth, not caring anymore about anyone else, forgetting Rinoa, forgetting what the others would say, just savoring the feel of Seifer's mouth under his, the touch of their bodies pressed together. And then Seifer responded to him, and he shattered under the sudden warmth flowing between them. It flooded him, sweeping him away. Suddenly afraid of these emotions, he pushed himself away, looking down at Seifer's face.  
  
What would Seifer say? What would Seifer do? He wasn't sure if his actions would be well-received. Why would it? It was unexpected, uncalled for. Seifer was probably thinking he made the wrong choice himself by choosing Squall.  
  
Seifer's eyes were closed, as he tried to catch his breath. His lips were still parted, and he closed them when he opened his eyes. Seifer smiled, his eyes alit with laughter and happiness, transforming his face by the joy suffused on it. And the tempestuous emotions in Squall righted, at the sight of that smile. He had finally decided, after so much soul searching. And it felt so right.  
  
He pressed his lips against Seifer's again, letting the warmth flow easily between them. The passion slowly ebbed a bit, but the warmth remained, filling him. He felt easy deep in him, and he realized why.  
  
Seifer and he, they had been matched since the very beginning. They had parted ways, for so long, to be prepared to give themselves freely, to each other, to let nothing stand between them. And at this moment, in this duel, it came to both of them.  
  
"You love me," Seifer whispered, unsure, and yet sure.  
  
"If this is love, if this rightness of being here now is love, then I am happy to love. I can't help it. I want this the same way you do, I guess."  
  
"This is so strange," Seifer admitted, looking down between them. "I was glad to have been given a chance to say what I felt, but with you feeling...this way too, I guess I didn't dream there was actually a chance we could be together. No matter if I thought there was, I knew somewhere in me was skeptical or something. You have to admit, Squall, it was impossible for us from the start."  
  
"I know. And yet we're here."  
  
"I'm afraid of this." Seifer looked up, daring Squall to say he wasn't.  
  
"Me too," he admitted.  
  
Seifer moved away a bit, pressing a hand on Squall's chest. "It's like a force of nature. I want to live like this, with you, no matter what they say."  
  
Squall pressed the hand with his own, tightening his hold. "Yes, me too."  
  
"But what about--Rinoa?"  
  
Squall dropped his hand. He hadn't wanted to be reminded, but it had to be dealt with. He was still officially involved with Rinoa, and he had to tell her about him and Seifer. But how was the question he didn't know how to answer, and Seifer knew he had to think about it as well. "I don't know. Thirty minutes ago we were thinking about killing each other, and now we're here, thinking of love. But all I can say is I have to tell Rinoa."  
  
"I'll be there with you, Squall."  
  
"No, please. I think I'd better go alone."  
  
Seifer tilted his head. "This is the first time you told me 'please'. And yet that won't distract me. I'll be there, because this concerns both of us, and her. I'll feel like--I hate the term but--I'll feel like the 'third party' who ruins a partnership. At least bring me along to explain to Rinoa we didn't expect this at all." He looked sideways, as if expecting Rinoa to burst in there with a submachine gun aimed at him.  
  
Squall sighed, not liking the idea of this, but he had no choice. "Oh, I'm not sure if this won't end with both of us alive. The rest will give her the sympathy votes. Imagine what Quistis and Selphie would do to us."  
  
Seifer shivered at the mental image of the two in dominatrix. Squall automatically put an arm around him to draw him closer. "It doesn't matter, Seifer. At least there'll be two of us."  
  
"Yes." Seifer looked up, saw Squall's eyes. "It doesn't matter if they kill me. I'll die happy."  
  
"Well, I won't. We have to remain alive for me to be truly happy. Then I can die. It feels weird talking for so long, but don't say we'll end up dead before we tell them. You still have to teach me to fish."  
  
"That has got to be the lamest, most pathetic excuse--"  
  
" 'I'm off to practice in the forest nearby, so Squall and I can spar later.'" Squall shot back, and Seifer had the grace to blush.  
  
"So it isn't the greatest excuse in the world, but back then my biggest ambition was to escape from there before you carved me up like a Thanksgiving turkey for fulfilling my higest ambition, which was to tell you how I felt."  
  
"It doesn't matter. My highest ambition is to make you happy, Seifer," he whispered, as he pressed a kiss on that scar, just like that morning after, which seemed so long ago.  
  
"You already have."  
  
"Then I am fulfilled."  
  
"As I, Squall." He embraced the other man completely, protecting and being protected. Squall smiled, glad that in the end, they'd figured out what they wanted.  
  
------------------------  
  
"Crossroads and bridges  
  
We've come through a lot of trying stages  
  
Our love sets us free  
  
From the realms of our own  
  
Self made cages"  
  
-Perfect, True Faith  
  
There, an improved (but not by much) version. Threw the old version out to the  
  
rabble too. 


End file.
